


Local Man Worse Than Craigslist Killer

by shaqfu



Category: Voltron: Legendary Defender
Genre: M/M, Reunion, Shared apartment
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-09-27
Updated: 2016-11-02
Packaged: 2018-08-17 13:09:39
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 6
Words: 7,954
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/8145184
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/shaqfu/pseuds/shaqfu
Summary: After Lance's roommate drops out of their agreement, Lance is forced to put up a Craigslist advertisement for a new roommate. Surprise, that roommate is Keith.





	1. Chapter 1

It took three hours and maybe about twenty times up and down the stairs, but Lance was finally moved into his first Adult Apartment. Granted, there was no elevator and that guy sitting in the lobby gave him the creeps, but what could you do when you’re a young and cool guy who just moved to a big and exciting city about to start working at his first Adult Job? Lance was, as far as he was concerned, the Ultimate Adult. The only thing left to do was to wait for his roommate to move in tomorrow and unpack and together, they’d be two coolest dudes living it up in the city together, working by day, getting in trouble by night.

 

As Lance finished up the last of his pizza, he heard the ever so familiar sensation of vibration in his pocket. Hastily wiping his hands on his shorts, he pulled out his phone. There was a text from his new roommate.

 

 

From: Cool New Roommate

 

Hey man, you’re really cool and all but I got a better deal on an apartment closer to my job. I know it’s kinda dickish to drop out on you the day before I move in but you’re a popular guy, you’ll find somebody. Let’s get a beer some time!

 

 

Lance stared at his phone in horror. He was not a popular guy, he knew nobody in this city, and there was no way in hell his entry level job was going to pay for his rent alone. He needed a roommate or his title of Ultimate Adult was about to be ripped away from his grips. 

 

_What the hell am I gonna do?_ he thought to himself. He slowly laid face down into the carpet, arms and legs splayed out. He opened his mouth and screamed into the void that was his beige carpet. He stayed like that for a good thirty seconds until he did what he always did when he had a crisis, call Hunk.

 

Lance lifted his head and pulled his phone close to his face, looking for his desired contact. After furiously stabbing at the call button with his thumb, he waited for his best friend and life coach to answer the phone.

 

“Lance, how was moving in, I’m—“

 

“Hunk, my roommate dropped out of living with me,” Lance interrupted, quickly losing his cool.

 

“You mean the really cool one?” Hunk replied in shock.

 

“The one,” Lance said with a sigh, sitting up and leaning his back against the bare wall.

 

“Well, obviously you need to find another roommate,” Hunk said, thinking aloud. “Maybe write up an ad on Craigslist or something?”

 

“And meet the Craigslist Killer’s best friend, The Other Craigslist Killer? No thank you, I don’t want to be a Lifetime movie, Hunk.” 

 

“Well, you don’t have much of a choice dude,” Hunk answered, completely ignoring Lance’s overreaction.

 

“Fine, I guess I’ll do it. It’s not like you care if I die anyway, since you moved in with Pidge instead of me,” Lance grumbled.

 

In the background Lance heard the faint “Sorry I actually wash dishes, Lance”, coming from Pidge. He must have been on speaker phone.

 

“Rude,” Lance shouted into his phone, hoping that Pidge would hear him from whatever room they were in. Lance didn’t even care if Hunk’s eardrum bursted in the process.

 

“Well, Lance, I think you should put in a Craigslist ad, because the sooner you secure rent, the better. Now I have to go, there’s some reading I have to do before work tomorrow. Love you.” Hunk repeated as he hung up the phone.

 

Hunk was no help but as much as Lance wanted to not admit, Hunk was right. With a sigh, Lance opened up the browser of his phone to go on the Craigslist website. Quickly, he went into the apartments section and started up his call to action.

 

 

WANTED: COOL NEW ROOMMATE

 

Hey, I’m Lance and this guy that I thought was totally chill just ditched me for a better apartment. Tbh, I need a roommate ASAP. I’m on 20th and Chester and preferably I want a roommate in their early to mid twenties but I’ll talk anybody as long as you’re not the craigslist killer, you feel me? I like space, video games, and long walks on the beach. The elevator in the building is broken rn, and if I’m not at work, I’ll help you move in and stuff. Alright, my number is (XXX) XXX-XXXX, if you’re interested, rent’s like 900ish a month with bills and stuff besides internet. Hmu if you want to do this.

 

Kisses, Lance.

 

 

Without a single thought, Lance posted the ad hoping that nobody would think he was weird. He would deal with any answers in the morning while he begun to unpack. After he crawled into his be and turned off his light, he thanked his past self for being smart enough to move in two days before he had to start his job. 

 

———

 

Lance woke up to his new apartment, feeling almost calm until he remembered the current situation he was facing. He checked his phone and luckily discovered a handful of texts. One was from Hunk, asking if he made the Craigslist advertisement yet, another from one of his older sisters reminding him not to be afraid of the ghost girl living in his bedroom closet she claimed existed (Lance knew she wasn’t real but still totally kept his stuffed bear in his bed for safety), and finally a third from an unknown number.

 

 

From: Unknown Number

 

Hey, is this the guy from Craigslist who signed his wanted ad with “kisses”? Even though I think you’re weird and creepy, I’m desperate for an apartment and you’re desperate for a roommate so I guess we’ll work out. Call me when you get this?

 

Lance could not believe his eyes when he read the text. How dare this guy call Lance weird? He was the one looking up Craigslist ads at two o’clock in the morning. The unknown number was right though, Lance couldn’t afford to be choosey.

 

With a calming breath, Lance clicked on the sender’s number and called him. As the phone rang, he rolled over in his bed to look out the window. Unsurprisingly, his view was the exterior of another apartment building.

 

“Hello?” The voice from the other line asked.

 

“Hi, this is the guy looking for the apartment, right?” Lance asked, wincing. Of course it was, he directly clicked on the number straight from the text.

 

“Yea, it is. I can move in tomorrow,” the man on the other line confirmed.

 

“Alright, yea, I feel like this abrupt and I should ask you questions first, but at this point I just am freaking out about the rent since I fronted my ex-roommate’s security deposit. So you’d owe me about 600? Is that cool?”

 

There was some shuffling on the other line. “Yea that works. I’m not broke, it’s just my brother’s girlfriend moved in and she’s nice and all but I just realized I should be moved out now if they’re living together,” New roommate admitted.

 

“Oof, yea. After school, I moved back in and realized my sisters were too much and I needed to move far, far away from them.” Lance shared, laughing at the thought.

 

“Cool, I’m glad you understand. What’s the address, I’ll be there around two tomorrow.”

 

“I’ll be at work then but I’ll leave the second key on top on the molding of the door. I doubt anybody is going to come into the apartment and steal my box full of spoons and forks.”

 

“But spoons and forks are useful,” the voice replied half to himself. He quickly recovered, “Sounds good. I’ll see you tomorrow.”

 

“Yea! Talk to you tomorrow!” Lance said as he ended the call.

 

Just as Lance was feeling pretty proud of himself, he realized something. He didn’t know his new roommate’s new name. 

 

Awkwardly, he brought up his phone and wrote up the message, “Wait, I just realized, what’s your name?”

 

Lance quickly got the response, “Keith”.

 

With a satisfied grunt, Lance finally crawled out of his bed and began to unpack his boxes.

 

———

 

Lance stumbled up the familiar flight of stairs with groceries in each hand. His whole body was sore from yesterday’s unpacking and then hectic first day of work. All he wanted was to take off this dumb button down shirt and meet his new roommate. Maybe they would watch something on Netflix together and get to know each other better.

 

Lance stood at his door, and took a steadying breath. He opened the door, getting ready to either be excited of horrified.

 

“Keith, you here?” Lance called as he opened the door.

 

Sitting in the living room was a man, around Lance’s age, shirtless, watching TV, eating a bowl of mac and cheese. He looked familiar, and as soon as the two made eye contact, the not-so-stranger froze in his spot too.

 

“Kogane?!” Lance shouted as he dropped his groceries.


	2. Chapter 2

There he was, Keith Kogane. Keith, mother fucking, Kogane. Lance’s mortal enemy from elementary school. Eating, shirtless, on his couch. This was, in Lance’s humble opinion, is worse than the Craigslist Killer.

 

“Lance McClain?” Keith asked, snapping out of his shock.

 

“Holy shit,” Lance whispered to himself. 

 

After a beat of tense silence, Keith began to laugh. He put his bowl on the floor and stood up to pick up the groceries. “Man, it’s good to see you. It’s so weird that we’re roommates. Small world I guess. Not holding onto that fifth grade grudge still, are you?”

 

Lance was fuming, how could Keith be calm about this? Who does Keith think he is just moving all up into Lance’s apartment. Truthfully, Lance hadn’t thought about Keith in the past fifteen years, but let’s be real, just seeing the man lit a fire inside of Lance all over again. This grudge just dug itself up from the dirt of the playground of their mutual elementary school and right back up into Lance’s whole being.

 

“No, no I’m just shocked?” Lance sputtered, recovering for his situation.

 

Keith picked up the groceries and started unpacking them on the counter, shaking his head in a happy disbelief.

 

“I made some mac and cheese, I used your bowl and casserole dish but I bought the ingredients and I did a little food shopping too.”

 

Lance stared down the macaroni and cheese. It was real mac and cheese, with bread crumbs on it, it wasn’t some sad box thing.

 

_ If he’s better at cooking than me, I’m going to be so mad. I’m gonna have to stare at puppy pictures for at least an hour to calm down. _

 

After staring at the food, Lance realized that Keith moved in a few of his personal belongings while he was at work. There were a handful of cheesy novelty mugs on the counter, a cutting board resting on the back splash, and to Lance’s surprise, fruit trees in front of the window in their living room.

 

“Dude, are those cherries growing in that pot?” Lance asked in disbelief.

 

Keith closed the fridge door once he set down the milk. “Oh, yea. When I was living with my brother, we were too cheap to keep buying fruit and I found out cherries, lemons, and oranges are pretty easy to grow in pots so we tried it out and now, free fruit. That palm looking one is a banana tree but a banana is never gonna grow out of it. Since my brother’s girlfriend actually buys fruit he said I could take them.”

 

Lance was amazed and horrified. It was like fifth grade all over again. No matter where Lance excelled, Keith was just a little bit better. Fruit trees? Keith was the king of savings and laziness all in one. Lance thought he was the king of savings and laziness. This was going to be a long and painful co-existence.

 

“That is,” Lance searched for the right word. Weird? Impressive? “pretty nifty.”

 

_ Nifty? Pretty nifty? That’s what you pick?  _ his mind screamed at him.

 

Keith let out a small laugh. “Yea, I guess it is,” fondly staring at the trees.

 

Once Lance set down the rest of the groceries, he went into his room and changed into something a little more comfortable, a t-shirt and a pair of basketball shorts. Quickly, he walked into the kitchen and made himself a plate of the dinner Keith so graciously made.

 

Slowly, Lance brought the mac and cheese to his lips.  _ I swear to God, if this is good I’m going to scream.  _ Accepting his fate, he took a bite and was horrified. Keith’s cooking wasn’t good, it was outstanding. This mac and cheese trumped his younger sister’s, which was an accomplishment. Granted, mac and cheese was pretty simple but still, it was delicious.

 

_ I have to get back at him for this, but first, puppy pictures. _

 

———

 

Lance smiled as he filled all of the pots with water, this was sure to piss off Keith.

 

After he waited for all of the pots to become room temperature and he knew the disinfectant cleaned up the water, Lance sloppily scooped one goldfish into each cooking vessel the apartment had. He couldn’t help but let out an overly dramatic evil laugh.

 

_ And now, we wait. _

 

———

 

“LANCE!”

 

Lance slowly looked up from his laptop, a wicked grin on his face. He casually stood up and moseyed into the kitchen.

 

“What’s up Keith?” he asked innocently, pretending like nothing happened. 

 

Keith looked up from the pot to make eye contact with Lance. He was eerily calm. 

 

“There’s a fish in the pasta pot.”

 

Lance stifled a laugh. “Is there really?” he asked trying to keep his face straight.

 

“You did this, didn’t you?” Keith asked.

 

“I don’t know what you’re talking about,” Lance answered, trying not to grin still. This was so good, this was the best prank he’s done. It was harmless but hilarious. Ten out of ten.

 

“Well, seeing that I doubt one of our neighbors broke into our apartment and did this, and we’re the only two people who live here, and it sure as shit wasn’t me, from process of elimination it had to have been you.”

 

Lance was quiet for a moment before he lost control and began to laugh.

 

“You should see your face,” he yelped, laughing at Keith. 

 

Keith was silent. Why would Lance do this? Was he really that childish? Keith couldn’t help but be annoyed. Maybe his grudge from when they were ten is still holding strong. However, Keith did nothing wrong, so why should he react? It didn’t matter, Lance wouldn’t get the best of him. 

 

“You know, it was pretty funny. I guess we’ll do take out tonight.”

 

Lance’s eyes widened in surprise, Keith’s calmness clearly stopped his laughter. The Keith he once knew would have reacted. Maybe he’s changed as a person? Lance almost felt bad about this, almost.

 

———

 

Lance walked through the threshold of the shared apartment and noticed a new addition to the living room. Peaking in between Keith’s orange tree and his banana tree was a fish tank.

 

_ Are those? _

 

“Are those the fish from yesterday?”

 

Keith popped his head out of the his bedroom door, “What, you think I’d just dump them?”

 

“I never thought past the prank,” Lance admitted, truthfully.

 

Keith walked out of his bedroom to stare at the fish tank with Lance. He was clearly working out until a moment ago.

 

“No way, the fish did nothing wrong. When I was picking up the take out yesterday, I stopped at the pet store and grabbed the tank and stuff. I set it up today while you were were at work,” Keith explained.

 

_ Does this guy ever go to work? _ Lance thought to himself. Luckily for once, his brain to mouth filter worked. Slowly, a grin formed.

 

‘Keith, do you know what that means?” 

 

“No?”

 

“We’re fish parents. You’re my fish wife.”

 

Ok, maybe the filter wasn’t working fully.

 

Keith looked skeptical for a moment and then smiled. “Yea, I guess we are. I’m not the wife though.”

 

“Alright wifey, we’ll name this half Lance Junior and the other half Keith Junior,” Lance said, looking satisfied.

 

Keith rolled his eyes. “Nice  _ Nemo _ reference, nerd. There are literally five fish, though. I think we can think of five different names.”

 

“Keith, I am dramatic and difficult, there is no way I will agree to anything in my life, ever.”

 

“You literally have not changed since we were ten years old.”

 

That threw Lance off. Did he really not change? He was the Ultimate Adult. He went to college. He had a piece of paper that he passed his classes and managed not to cry himself to death at 3am in the library. Lance definitely has changed in the past fifteen years, no matter what Keith claimed. They barely knew each other, so what did Keith know?

 

Maybe he was kind of a jerk by pranking Keith like that.

 

“Anyway, that one is named Mothra.”

 

“Like the Godzilla cha—“

 

“Her name is Mothra and she is our daughter.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> the next morning keith wakes up and finds another fish in the coffee pot.
> 
> \-- -- --
> 
> Pals!! I'll be at NYCC! If you want to meet up or go to the voltron panel/event with me, message me on tumblr and twitter! I'll be all alone friday morning so I'd love to make friends!! I hope to see a ton of you there!!
> 
> I know this chapter was short but I needed it to set up shit I guess? Anyway, until next week!!


	3. Chapter 3

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Warning! animal death towards the end of the chapter!!

Message to: ฅ^•ﻌ•^ฅ nya free zone ฅ^•ﻌ•^ฅ

 

Lance: Guys Keith is like stupidly nice to me???

Pidge: Maybe he likes you.

Hunk: >:3c

Lance: STOP TALKING! Were enemies!!! Anyway hes not into guys.

Hunk: because he stole your 5th grade girlfriend?

Lance: YES

Hunk: no offense lance but you didn’t figure out you were bi until your freshman year of college.

Pidge: Yea, he could be gay. Or bi, or pan, or whatever.

Hunk: pidge is right lance. you could have a shot at having hot and sloppy revenge black romance make outs.

Lance: IM GOING TO BLOCK BOTH OF YOU.

Lance: Wait was that a homestuck joke?

Hunk: >:3c

Lance: HUNK

Pidge: Whatever you say Lance. Really though you might get a chance.

Hunk: yea just be like you know…

Lance: DON’T SAY IT

Hunk: you know

Hunk: like nya?

Pidge: [SIREN SOUNDS]

-Lance has blocked Hunk-

-Lance has blocked Pidge-

 

Lance rolled his eyes as he put his phone down on his bed. Hunk and Pidge were supposed to be on his side, and here they are, telling Lance that Keith might be gay for him? How dare they? Lance didn’t even like Keith that way. 

 

“Whatever,” Lance scoffed as he grabbed his change of clothes and walked into the bathroom to take a shower.

 

———

 

Keith slowly opened the door to his apartment. It still was bizarre that he was living with Lance, it felt like a fever dream more than anything that was actually real. Truthfully, Lance has really gotten a lot more cute. As a ten year old, Lance was always a little awkward and goofy looking and had big ears but definitely now as a twenty-five year old, he was definitely…something.

 

As Keith chucked off his shoes, he heard a roar from the bathroom.

 

“D-I-N-O-S-A you are a dinosaur,” Lance shouted from the shower.

 

“Holy shit,” Keith whispered to himself, with feeling.

 

“D-I-N-O-S-A you are a dinosaur.”

 

_ Is what I’m thinking actually happening, happening?  _ Keith thought to himself.

 

“An O-L-D M-A-N, you’re just an old man! Hitting, on me, what? You need a CAT scan!” Lance continued to sing along. The music blared from the bathroom.

 

_ Payback time,  _ Keith thought.

 

As the music played on, Keith quickly pulled out his phone and silently walked toward the bathroom. At first, he just recorded the door, knowing that Lance’s voice could be picked up by the phone microphone. 

 

“At first we thought that it was kinda ill when, we saw that you were like a billion and still I'm tryna make a killing. Get back to the museum,” Lance shouted.

 

Keith noticed that along with the singing, there was the unmistaken noise of squeaking. This probably meant that Lance was furiously dancing along to the song. Keith had to risk going into the bathroom to record him.

 

Slowly, Keith opened the door to the bathroom, once again attempting not to make any noise. Luckily, since Lance was so into the music, he didn’t hear Keith creep into the room. Staying out of the sight of the shower, Keith continued to record, occasionally stifling a giggle. 

 

“Hey dinosaur, baby you’re prehistoric. Hey dinosaur, that’s what you are! Hey carnivore, you are my meat, I know it. Hey dinosaur, that’s what you are.”

 

During the instrumental break, Lance started to bang his head, despite it not being the type of music somebody would usually do that too. Suddenly, Lance slammed his head on the wall of the shower.

 

“Ow, fuck,” Lance yelped holding his head. 

 

Keith couldn’t help it, he had to laugh. “Oh my god,” Keith wheezed out in between fits of laughter. 

 

Quickly, Lance pulled back the shower curtain to look at who was laughing at him.

 

“Keith?!” Lance screamed.

 

“Encore,” Keith calmly responded, smiling, still recording.

 

“GET OUT OF HERE,” Lance screamed, turning off the water and blushing.

 

“Whatever you say,” Keith responded, dismissing Lance with a wave with his hand. Keith had all the blackmail he needed. Now, to send it to his computer in case Lance ever figured out a way to delete it off of Keith’s phone.

 

———

 

“Keith?” Lance called to his roommate from the living room.

 

“Lance?” Keith asked in the same inflection as he took off his headphones.

 

“I think Mothra’s dead.”

 

Well, that ruined the moment.

 

Keith quickly got off his bed and walked into their living room to see Lance staring at the fish tank. 

 

“Lance,” Keith began.

 

Lance turned to Keith and sniffled, pointing at the dead fish in the tank.

 

Keith bent down to examine the tank. “That’s definitely Kimber and not Mothra. Wait, dude, are you crying?”

 

Lance wiped his tears away. “No.”

 

“You are. It’s ok. It’s a fish. We can get another one, even if you said it was the wrong fish and we still have like five other fish.”

 

Lance shook his head, his fish babies were important to him and he let one die. This world clearly was cruel and unjust.

 

The room was quiet, the only thing that was heard was the quiet gurgling of the fish tank filter. Keith looked Lance up and down, it was obvious Lance was really upset and Keith really didn’t know what to do. Slowly, he got closer to his roommate and wrapped his arms around Lance.

 

“Keith?” Lance asked, surprised.

 

“Let’s have a funeral,” Keith answered, half seriously, half jokingly.

 

Lance nodded and walked towards the bathroom. Keith quickly grabbed a plastic cup from the kitchen and scooped Kimber into the cup.

 

“Wait,” Lance shouted from the bathroom, idea clearly forming.

 

“What now?” Keith asked from the living room.

 

“We gotta wear all black!” Lance shouted, running into his room.

 

Keith looked down at his clothes, luckily, he was already wearing black sweatpants and a black t-shirt. Maybe it was some type of morbid fish related fate.

 

Keith patiently waited in the bathroom, dead fish in cup, Lance changing in his bathroom.

 

After some shuffling and fast movements, Lance came back into the bathroom, now wearing a black oversized t-shirt inside out (Keith could clearly see that the shirt had something printed on the front of it), black skinny jeans, and long black socks.

 

“Alright, I’m good,” Lance began.

 

Keith unceremoniously dumped the fish into the toilet.

 

“You can’t just dump our daughter,” Lance hissed.

 

“What do you want me to do then?”

 

“I’m going to say some words.”

 

“Some words?”

 

“Mothra—“

 

“Kimber,” Keith corrected.

 

“Mothra,” Lance continued through clenched teeth, “was a beautiful girl that was taken from this world too soon. She loved to swim, and steal food from her brothers and sisters.”

 

Keith rolled his eyes but couldn’t help but smile.

 

“Mothra, honey, if you can hear us, I want you to know your mother and I love you very much.”

 

“I’m not the mom,” Keith tried to argue again.

 

Now it was Lance’s turn to roll his eyes.

 

“Rest in peace, Mothra, we hope you are happy, wherever you are.”

 

As soon as he finished his speech, Lance brought up Youtube, and began to play Taps.

 

“Do it now, Keith,” Lance commanded.

 

Keith looked at Lance and then looked at the fish in the toilet bowl, Lance was actually crying again. Without a thought, Keith flushed the toilet. The two watched the fish swirl down. Once Kimber was properly disposed of, Lance looked up at Keith.

 

“Ok, take me out for an expensive dinner.”

 

“What?” Keith asked, confused.

 

“I’m a distraught housewife who just lost his beautiful daughter, we have to have the funeral dinner.”

 

“I thought I was the wife,” Keith said with a sigh. 

 

“It depends on if it suits me or not,” Lance admitted. 

 

“Alright, well, I’ll dine you at a diner because I don’t have that much money, I have bills to pay,” Keith answered, giving into Lance’s wishes.

 

“Just go to work and make money,” Lance says, pulling a sweatshirt over his funeral garb.

 

“I work from home. I literally work while you’re at work” Keith answered, grabbing his keys.

 

“What?” Lance asked in shock.

 

“Did you think that I just hung out in the apartment all day?”

 

“I didn’t really think about that. I honestly thought you were just a freeloader that somehow managed to pay the bills.”

 

Keith placed his hand on Lance’s shoulder. Lance was very much aware of the sudden contact. “That is ridiculous. I’m as much as an ultimate adult as you are.”

 

Lance was flabbergasted.

  
“Come on my wife, let’s go grieve the loss of our daughter.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Y'all!!! nycc was so fun!! there were so many cute voltron cosplayers and I even got free patches, a hunk pin, and a shirt!! If you went, maybe you bumped into me, maybe you didn't, either way, if you went I hope you had a blast!
> 
> Please, I promise, this is the last filler chapter, I just really wanted to write the shower scene, RIP. ALSO! Now we have a set amount of chapters! I finally have a game plan!! (even in different aus, nya free zone is still alive and well)
> 
> Until next monday, my dudes!


	4. Chapter 4

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> alcohol warning for the whole chapter, oops.

”Keith, it’s the weekend, come on, let’s go out,” Lance shouted as he walked into Keith’s bedroom.

 

Once Lance walked through the threshold, he realized he has never been in Keith’s bedroom. It almost looked like his. Posters on the wall, stupid knick knacks on his dresser, clothes on the floor. As much as Lance didn’t want to admit it, they were kind of similar. The only things that was different was that Keith had some exercise equipment in the corner of the room. 

 

“Nah, I’m not really into that kind of thing. I’d rather stay home,” Keith said, looking away from his computer’s monitor at his desk to make eye contact with Lance.

 

“Come on, everybody’s bailed on me and you’re like the only other person I know in this city. I don’t want to go to a bar alone tonight. Only sad people get drunk alone at a bar!”

 

“Who said I’m not down for drinking?” Keith responded, now turning his whole body towards Lance.

 

“So you’ll do it?” Lance asked, all excited.

 

“I’ll drink but let’s just drink here. We can order a pizza too, so we’re not starving.”

 

“You know, that’s a pretty good idea. Maybe you’re not so bad after all Kogane,” Lance said, satisfied.

 

———

 

“What is your opinion,” Keith began, clearly steeling his nerves. “On pineapple pizza?”

 

There was fear in Lance’s eyes, either something amazing was about to happen or something terrible.

 

“I love it,” Lance answered, admitting his opinion, still truly scared.

 

“Oh thank god,” Keith whispered in a sigh of relief.

 

Lance’s eyes lit up in excitement. “Can we please get some?! My sisters all hate it and I never get it, so I would be eternally grateful if we got some.”

 

“That’s why I was asking, let’s do this,” Keith agreed with a smile.

 

Lance may have been in love. He could dismiss it being Keith, he didn’t care. They already had children together, they might as well be married and have a pineapple pizza themed wedding….Except, they were mortal enemies so their love would be forbidden.

 

———

 

“The name of the game, is Mario Kart DUI,” Lance says with an evil grin on his face. “The only rule is you can’t drink while you drive. I don’t care if you chug your drink and then drive, stop and go, or drink while you fly, but you have to finish your drink before you finish the race,” Lance explained, with a slice of pizza in his hand.

 

Keith nodded, thinking about his strategy for winning. Though this was just a friendly drinking game, he was here to win.

 

Between casual sips of their drinks and bites of pizza, the character select screen finally came up. Quickly, Lance picked Waluigi.

 

“Waluigi, really?” Keith commented

 

“Hey, at least I didn’t pick Yoshi,” Lance commented.

 

“Yoshi is a kind dinosaur whom I love, leave me alone. Plus, my brother would always pick him and finally now I have the chance to be Yoshi,” Keith stated, beginning strong and then slowly trailing off.

 

_ That was the most precious thing he has ever said,  _ Lance thought to himself

 

“Yea, ok, whatever, “ Lance said out loud, pretending like he didn’t care.

 

Once at the stage select, Lance announced that they were doing the Electrodome first. Quickly, the screen blasted the similar countdown noise, Lance and Keith tensed themselves to get ready. Once the light flashed green, Keith chugged his drink.

 

“Oh my god,” Lance whispered in horror as he begun to drive, he didn’t expect that Keith would just chug his whole drink right away. That was a winner’s strategy.

 

Once Keith finished his drink, he placed his cup down and began to drive. Quickly, Keith went through the ranks, from twelfth to fifth, to third. It was amazing how the power ups and track were on his side. Lance may have underestimated his roommate.

 

Lance threw a green shell and it hit the Baby Peach that was creeping up on his first place spot. 

 

“Wah,” Lance parroted Waluigi after his successful hit.

 

“Did you just?” Keith began, eyes trained on the TV.

 

Lance finished his first lap and stopped his car to chug half of his drink in favor of not answering.

 

There was a quiet thanks to how much concentration the two boys put into the game. The only sounds were the babbling of the fish tank and the music and sound effects from from the TV.

 

“GOD DAMNIT, KEITH,” Lance shouted just as Keith crossed the finish line in first. 

 

———

 

It was maybe their fourth or fifth round now and both Lance and Keith were beginning to feel the affects of the alcohol. The pair were evenly matched when it came to Mario Kart. Back and forth the two would go in between first and second place. Even with their coordination getting worse, the computer players had nothing on Waluigi and Yoshi. Of course, now that the alcohol was hitting, the two started to find everything slightly funny.

 

“Wah,” Lance said in his best Waluigi impression again.

 

“Wah,” Keith answered back.

 

“Wah.”

 

“Wah.”

 

“W—FUCK.” Lance was just hit by a blue shell from the Mario in the back of the pack.

 

Keith let out a bark of a laugh and quickly the two went back to their quiet competition. By the sixth round, it just sort of devolved into both boys drinking while playing.

 

Lance held his drink up with his teeth. Everything was said through clenched teeth. It was clumsy and dangerous but it meant there was no stopping between playing and drinking.

 

Keith was a little more normal and simply just steered his controller with one hand while he wanted to drink.

 

At the end of the race, Lance ended up in second and Keith in third, both losing to the computer player. 

 

“Let’s just watch Netflix,” Lance mumbled into his cup instead of admitting defeat.

 

“God, yea, please,” Keith said, resting his head on Lance’s shoulder as Lance set up Netflix. After arguing between watching Pleasantville and Cupcakes Wars, Cupcake Wars was picked due to it being mindless (Pleasantville was too complex to pay attention to at this point.)

 

“That cupcake looks so good,” Lance whispered as he bit into another piece of pizza.

 

“Mhm,” Keith intelligently responded, drinking more.

 

The two were watching in a peacefully in a slight drunken daze until Lance slowly leaned towards Keith. Keith turned to look at Lance, a bit startled. Lance got closer until his lips were right by Keith’s ear. Keith’s lips parted in anticipation.

 

“Wah,” Lance whispered.

 

The tension was broken and Keith couldn’t help but start giggling. It started quietly and then got louder, slowly forming into big belly laughs. From the mix of tiredness and alcohol, Keith couldn’t stop laughing, which made Lance laugh too.

 

_ That is the purest laugh I’ve ever heard.  _ Lance thought to himself.  _ If that laugh was a food, it’d be Keith’s mac and cheese,  _ Lance continued to think.

 

Just by hearing that simple giggle, Lance realized something: he had feelings for Keith. Blame it on the alcohol or blame it on the late night thinking but Lance finally admitted to himself that Keith wasn’t that all bad of a person. He was helpful and always going out of his way for Lance. He was attractive as hell too and plus, lately, Keith kept placing his hand on Lance’s shoulder and stuff like that. As much as Lance hated to admit it, it was nice. Even earlier when Keith rested his head on Lance’s shoulder, it set off a chill that went down Lance’s spine. They were fish parents and Lance constantly was joke-thinking to himself that he was going to marry Keith for something stupid but then would quickly remind himself that they were enemies. Something was telling him that the joke-thinking was becoming real thinking.

 

_ Holy shit. _

 

_ Holy shit, I have a crush on Keith. _

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> when I play I keep my mouth in mouth and chug as fast as I can while I fly. I always end up in 10th place. My roommate during college would chug and then drive and would get first place.
> 
> HOW WILL LANCE DEAL!?


	5. Chapter 5

Lance woke up on the couch in the living room with Keith’s back pressed against his chest. It was nice but it felt wrong somehow. There was no point saying that Keith was his enemy anymore, but Lance felt like he had to keep up his facade of sort of hating Keith the whole time. In a way, he did hate Keith. Keith was so unfazed by things and he was always willing to work hard. He was a great cook, too. And honestly, who couldn’t hate somebody that got to work from home?

 

Trying to avoid waking up Keith, Lance lifted himself up off the couch, barely stopping himself from toppling over the piece of furniture and kicking Keith in the face. He quietly padded into the kitchen and started up a pot of coffee. While the coffee began to percolate, he filled up a pitcher with water and absent-mindedly watered Keith’s fruit trees.

 

_ I have a crush on Keith,  _ he reminded himself, thought foreign in his mind.

 

Even though nobody could hear his thoughts, Lance still whispered this in his mind, it was going to take a while to get over it but Lance had to do what he did best, call Hunk in his time of panic.

 

Scrolling through his contacts, Lance heard a sigh, remembering that Keith was sleeping on the couch. Lance quickly opted to text the group chat instead.

 

Message to: ฅ^•ﻌ•^ฅ nya free zone ฅ^•ﻌ•^ฅ

 

Lance: Guys I think I have a crush on keith

Pidge: Congratulations Lance, you’ve just won That Was Obvious! Hunk, tell him what he’s won!

Hunk: [announcer voice] congratulations lance you just won the stifling weight of an obvious crush!!!

Lance: Guys please

Lance: I thought it was The Hate but it was The Gay

Pidge: Yea, we told you that one already.

Hunk: yea lance

Lance: You guys are the worst!!! I thought you were my friends!!! Who give good advice!!! TO THEIR BEST FRIEND!!!! THAT!!! THEY WOULDNT!!!! MAKE FUN OF!!!!!!!!

 

Lance shoved his phone back into his pocket with a huff. He must have been a little too loud because as soon as it happened, Keith rolled over to look over at Lance from the couch.

 

“Don’t breathe so loud,” Keith whined.

 

“Excuse me?” Lance asked, confused.

 

“Everything’s loud and I’m hungover, alright?” Keith answered, squinting, looking at Lance.

 

_ If Keith wasn’t so grumpy, this would be so cute,  _ Lance thought to himself. His roommate was frowning and his hair was a little rumpled. There was also a little drool on the corner of his lip. Lance knew better than to mess with him.

 

“Oh, sorry,” Lance whispered, being kind to Keith for once in his life.

 

Keith tucked his feet under his legs wrapped a blanket over himself trying to get comfortable, clearly planning not to move from the couch for the rest of the day.

 

“A lot of milk and a little sugar, right?” Lance asked as he got out two mugs.

 

“Huh?” Keith eloquently asked.

 

“For coffee, I made us coffee,” Lance said, as he began to cut a bagel in half and placed it in the toaster.

 

It was almost too domestic, but Lance figured if he was going to live with his crush, it might as well be met with some sort of forgiveness. He wasn’t a jerk completely, it just was hard to figure out feelings when you had a fifteen year grudge to hold.

 

Keith’s eyes looked big, as if he was about to cry. It was obvious that he was thankful that Lance was making them coffee and presumably bagels. 

 

“You’re a blessing,” Keith whispered, as Lance brought him over his cup of coffee.

 

“Thank you, I know,” Lance agreed with a smile. 

 

As soon as the bagels popped out of the toaster, Lance buttered one and put cream cheese and jelly on the other. Lance also shook out two aspirin and put them on the edge of Keith’s plate.

 

“Eat and then take the aspirin,” he commanded.

 

“How are you not hungover?” Keith asked, after swallowing his first first bite of bagel.

 

“I never get hangovers. The last time I had one, I was like eighteen?” Lance asked, clearly trying to remember his most recent hangover.

 

Keith’s eyes grew wide in shock, mid bite.

 

———

 

“Hey,” Keith rasped out, knocking on Lance’s doorframe.

 

Lance closed his DS, looking up to give his attention to Keith.

 

“I appreciate that you took care of me yesterday,” Keith admitted to his roommate, wandering into the bedroom.

 

“It seriously was no problem. It was kinda nice. Sometimes, Saturday mornings are best when they’re quiet, you know what I mean?”

 

“Yea, I do know,” Keith responded with a big smile.

 

Lance’s heart raced, excited over just seeing that smile.

 

_ Keep yourself in check, man,  _  Lance reminded himself.

 

“Really…it was no problem,” Lance said again, not knowing exactly what to say.

 

“When I first moved in and you pulled the fish prank on me, I thought that you were kind of a jerk, but slowly you’ve become less of a jerk which is really cool?” Keith continued on, blushing a little, now sitting on Lance’s desk chair.

 

“Me? A jerk?” Lance shouted, offended.

 

“Don’t ruin the moment,” Keith snapped.

 

“Now you’re sorta decent, and thanks for being kind of cool,” Keith finished, in a nicer tone.

 

“You’re not so bad yourself, Keith. The feeling’s mutual,” Lance said, avoiding eye contact.

 

They were quiet for a brief moment, words sinking in.

 

“Well, I’ll be going back to my room now,” Keith quickly said, face all red, beelining to his own bedroom.

 

“Alright, sounds good,” Lance shakily shouted to the hallway.

 

Did Keith just do what Lance thought he did?

 

———

 

Lance walked out of the bathroom just as he heard an incredibly interesting tidbit of conversation Keith was having from his bedroom.

 

“—Of course I didn’t tell him, Shiro, I was scared shitless to even make eye contact with him, let alone admit to him that I had a crush on him.”

 

_ Oh my god,  _ Lance’s mind screamed. Lance knew not to eavesdrop on Keith, but his nosy ass couldn’t help it. He had to know who it was. Wait, Keith said “him,”  _ a boy _ , Keith likes a boy. Lance was a boy, there was hope. However, if Keith had a crush on another guy, he didn’t want to make Keith uncomfortable.

 

Keith was quiet for a second, clearly listening to what the other person on the phone was saying. The anticipation was killing Lance.

 

“What, do you want me to do, say ‘Lance, I know we’re roommates but I have a huge crush on you’? Shiro, I can’t do that!” Keith replied in a hushed whisper.

 

Lance gasped out loud. He was the crush, Lance was the crush. This was not a drill.

 

Suddenly, Lance heard the creak of bedsprings, Keith was clearly getting off of his bed, but Lance was too shocked. He couldn’t move. There in his doorway was Keith, staring at Lance in horror, and there, was Lance staring at Keith staring in horror at Lance.

 

Lance sprinted to his bedroom and slammed the door. Quickly, he pulled his phone out of his pocket. As there were furious knocks on the door, Lance began to type.

  
  


Message to: ฅ^•ﻌ•^ฅ nya free zone ฅ^•ﻌ•^ฅ

Lance: KEITH HAS A CRUSH ON ME

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> ONE! MORE! CHAPTER!! I am so so so excited! I'm so sorry this chapter is super short too, the final chapter will probably be equally short. let's be real, I truly am a one shot person at heart. probably once I finish this fic I'm gonna write some hance because the world...needs more hunk love. 
> 
> also, who the hell do I have to commission around here to have art of grumpy and cold keith (or the wah scene)
> 
> until next time my dears!


	6. Chapter 6

Keith began to knock on Lance’s door, hoping that would do something. “Lance, can you please open the door?” he asked, slightly desperate to fix what just happened.

 

“No,” came Lance’s voice from inside the room.

 

“Come on, I was eventually going to tell you,” Keith trailed off.

 

“Yea, when?” Lance responded, clearly standing in front of his own door now.

 

“I don’t know, soon, eventually? I was just sorta thinking out loud since I was on the phone.”

 

“But still it’s really hard to grasp…”

 

“Well maybe if you weren’t eaves—forget it. I guess you want me to leave the apartment then?”

 

The door swung open as soon as Keith suggested that he should leave the apartment. Lance’s whole face was a bright red. When he looked at Keith, Lance realized they were both feeling the same way.

 

“I don’t want you to leave,” Lance quietly said, looking at the floor.

 

“What?” Keith asked, shocked.

 

Keith, truthfully expected that he was about to be kicked out. He knew Lance was really into girls but otherwise, he didn’t know exactly where Lance stood both on the sexuality scale and on the whole Hey I’m Gay and I Live With You thing. Keith assumed that Lance was a good enough guy, but you can never be too sure in these situations.

 

“Keith, I don’t care if you have a crush on me or whatever you want to call it,” Lance continued on, face even more red.

 

Keith was quiet, making sure that he was hearing everything correctly. He finally let out a sigh of relief.

 

“I have a thing for you too,” Lance admitted after clearly considering his options.

 

It was Keith’s turn to go an even brighter shade of red.

 

“Oh thank god,” he whispered the feeling. He began to walk towards Lance, quickly, embracing his roommate.

 

Keith leaned in to kiss Lance but before anything could happen, Lance stopped him.

 

“Not so fast, Buster Brown,” Lance said, face completely neutral.

 

Keith instantly felt like he was in a bad dream.

 

“I like you but like, we gotta take it slow, like yea I have a crush on you but we live together, we’re roommates and stuff, and as much as I would like to,” Lance nonchalantly shrugged, “I don’t know, kiss? I want to make sure we’re not making asses out of ourselves, you know?” 

 

“Yea, yea that makes sense. Let’s take it slow,” Keith agreed, wide eyed, shocked that this was actually happening.

 

“Alright, you have a brother to call back and as you can hear my phone buzzing every two seconds, I have a group chat to attend to,” Lance calmly said, pushing Keith out of his bedroom and just like that, Keith and Lance admitted their feelings to each other.

 

———

 

“This is what you call a date?” Keith asked, staring at the kitchen counter. The counter was covered in all the ingredients to make mac and cheese.

 

“I thought it would be cute,” Lance began, “if you taught me how to make your…mac and cheese,” he finished, trailing off.

 

“Our date is for me to make you mac and cheese,” Keith said stunned.

 

“Listen, don’t all romantic comedies have cheesy cooking scenes?” Lance asked, getting more and more embarrassed.

 

“I don’t know, I never watch those kinds of movies,” Keith said with a laugh.

 

“Me neither,” Lance said, now breaking out into full laughter.

 

It was kind of ridiculous, but Lance thought it would be cute that the two of them had a domestic cooking date together.

 

“It’s not that hard though, anybody could make mac and cheese,” Keith explained after he finally stopped laughing.

 

“Keith, please, I have been fantasizing about this mac and cheese every day of my damn life ever since you made it the day you moved in. Let me have this moment.”

 

“Alright,” Keith said, rolling his eyes.

 

———

 

“So you mix a little bit of pepper in with the cheese?” Lance asked leaning his head on Keith’s shoulder.

 

“Yea, and then you mix a little in the breadcrumbs too before you put them on top of the pasta before you put it in the oven,” Keith confirms as he mixes the pasta and the cheese in the pot.

 

“Even if I were to follow this exactly, I still don’t think that I would make it as good as yours, I don’t know how you do it,” Lance said, moving away from Keith to get a better look at the pot.

 

“Eh, you probably have some specialty dish that you’re better than me at,” Keith said with a shrug.

 

“I doubt it. Listen, your mac and cheese is the reason I breathe or something. Keith, I feel the same way about you as I feel about your mac and cheese,” Lance responded, completely seriously.

 

“You love me? I thought you said, we need to take this slow,” Keith said back, skeptical. 

 

“Alright, I’ll amend that statement, I love your mac and cheese and I like you,” Lance said. “I like, like you,” he continued in a nasally voice, intimidating a little kid to get his point across.

 

“Alright, I get what you’re saying, but this date sucks. I’m picking the next date,” Keith said, smiling.

 

“You want to have another date?” Lance asked, excited.

 

“Yea, a real one because this is basically me cooking for you while you rub your face all over my cheek and shoulder.”

 

“Maybe this was just a plot for me to snuggle up to you while you make me mac and cheese. It’s my ultimate fantasy.”

 

“You have some low standards,” Keith responded pointing the cheesy wooden spoon at Lance.

 

“What can I say?” Lance responded with a shrug.

 

“At least you know exactly what you’re about,” Keith responded, kissing Lance on the cheek.

 

———

 

Message to: ฅ^•ﻌ•^ฅ nya free zone ฅ^•ﻌ•^ฅ

Lance: Well!!! The date went well!!!

Pidge: You mean the elaborate plan to get Keith to make you mac and cheese?

Lance: IT WAS A DATE! That happened to double as a romantic dinner where keith made me mac and cheese

Hunk: how romantic, you claim its a date and then you force the guy to make mac and cheese. I’d dump your ass and then move out the next day

Lance: RUDE HUNK. AND ANYWAY I HAVE A SECOND DATE SO SCREW YOU!

 

Lance closed the group chat and threw his phone to the opposite corner of the couch.

 

“Group chat?” Keith asked, snuggling closer into Lance’s side on the couch.

 

“Group chat,” Lance confirmed, pressing play on Netflix and intertwining their hands.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> We did it kids, we climbed the whole mountain!  
> sorry this was a day late...I was partying on halloween.  
> this ending was short, but what can you do?!
> 
> to everybody who's been reading from the beginning, I love you, thanks for sticking with this!  
> whoever you are, I'm glad you read it!
> 
> well...on to the next adventure.

**Author's Note:**

> uh...guess who's a fake ass ho who keeps saying they're gonna stop writing voltron fic but then writes some anyway? it's me. AND IT'S A MULTI CHAPTER! I'm a downright idiot. I have a vague idea of what'd going to happen, but like if you want to see specifics, hmu. maybe this'll get spicy later on? who knows???
> 
> this will probably be updating once a week!
> 
> I'm taking requests and all that jazz too!!
> 
> [twitter](https://twitter.com/vicunad) | [tumblr](http://countvonroo.tumblr.com/)


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